


Love Is Weakness, Isn't It?

by ourheroregina



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 07:31:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17783204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourheroregina/pseuds/ourheroregina
Summary: Written for LoveFromOQ Exchange 2019 for hopefulfeathers. First Curse AU. One night Regina approaches a handsome stranger at Granny's. Her life turns upside down when she realizes he's her soulmate who doesn't even belong in Storybrooke.





	Love Is Weakness, Isn't It?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hopefulfeathers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopefulfeathers/gifts).



> This story is a gift to the wonderful orchidfeathers on twitter! It is a little bit angsty first curse AU! I hope you'll like it! Happy Valentine's Day!
> 
> Also, a huge thank you to ariestess69 for betareading this story!!
> 
> Trigger warning: there's a bit of violence!!

As far as Regina can remember, her life has always been chaotic. In her childhood, Cora Mills made sure that her daughter didn’t have a peaceful moment. In adolescence, Regina herself fought for her freedom and tried to resist her mother; and when she married the King, she gave all of her strength to destroy Snow White; it was her rage then that made everything in her existence chaotic.

When she cast the Dark Curse, her chaotic life changed, became much calmer. She didn’t have to ride a war horse on a daily basis, no longer had to snap soldiers’ necks every day. She didn’t even have to chase Snow White anymore – the annoying brat was right in front of her every single day.

Unexpectedly, her life became… dull.

She expected her happy ending to be a bit different. Sitting in the office all day, watching Snow White and her minions walking around the town without fear didn’t bring her as much joy as she thought it would.

Even Graham here, in this land without magic, didn’t cause as much thrill as back in their realm.

Regina never thought that she could become the prisoner of the prison she created for others.

That’s why instead of going home and calling Graham to brighten her sour mood, Regina makes her way towards the Rabbit Hole. The place is way beneath her, and the people gathered there are not good company – but then again, nobody is good company in this cursed little town. It’s not like there’s any other place in this doomed town where she could get drunk.

On her way to the Rabbit Hole, she walks past Granny’s diner. A stranger sitting by the window, holding his head in his hand, catches her sight and unconsciously, her steps are slowing down as she stares at the man.

 She’s seen him plenty of times in the diner, constantly sad, depressed even, as he nurses a drink at the corner of Granny’s. She doesn’t remember him from the Enchanted Forest, doesn’t think she’s seen him before Storybrooke. He doesn’t seem to have any relations to anyone here because he’s always alone; to be honest, Regina is not even sure where he lives or if he even has a place to stay.

She doesn’t understand what makes her turn towards the diner entrance but she finds herself intrigued by this man. He’s a stranger in here and there’s a tiny chance that he wasn’t one of Snow White’s minions back in the land.

The bell rings loudly over Regina’s head as she steps inside the quiet diner. It’s already late, the place is probably closing up soon and, as Regina makes her way towards the counter, Ruby glares at her, obviously not satisfied with a customer just before closing.

After ordering a cup of coffee, Regina glances over her shoulder to the corner of the bar. The man is still there and now he has both hands supporting his head. Even the atmosphere around him is depressing.

For a moment Regina hesitates whether it is a good idea to approach him, but then she frowns to herself, shakes her head at her own stupidity – since when is she hesitant to approach peasants?

Encouraged by that thought, Regina stands up and makes her way towards the stranger.

“You’re awfully sad tonight.”

Slowly, very slowly, the man lifts his head up from his hands and looks up at her. His eyes are red and puffy, and he’s sniffling like a freaking toddler, but somehow, even in this miserable state, she notices that he’s really handsome (she’s already known that, she’s observed him far too many times, been drawn to him before even realizing it).

“Madam Mayor.” He nods in acknowledgement and wipes his nose with the back of his sweater sleeve. Regina fights her urge to scrunch up her nose in disgust. Perhaps she’s been mistaken by his beauty. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” he asks sarcastically.

“As the mayor of this town, I must make sure that all the citizens are happy,” she replies, and wants to scoff at her own lies, “and you’re most definitely not happy here.”

“There’s nothing you can do to make me happy,” he shrugs in response and empties the glass in one gulp. “Nobody can help me.”

“Try me.”

She’s surprised by her own words as she sits down at the booth in front of him. For a moment, she wonders what she’s doing. She’s the mayor and he’s obviously just a drunk who’s way beneath her but, for some unknown reason, she is curious.

He looks at her incredulously, then groans and puts his head in his hands again. His breathing is hard, there’s a harsh sound coming from deep within every time he inhales. His shoulders are tensed, but despite that he’s somehow slouching as he sits there.

Regina frowns. Perhaps he’s really just a simple drunk.

When the stranger doesn’t talk and she’s about to get up, the man straightens and lifts his head up. Their gazes meet and lock, Regina feels a stab to her own heart – the pain and helplessness is so visible in his eyes; whatever this man is going through is breaking him apart.

He looks hesitant as he opens his mouth, and Regina feels her heart picking up a rhythm in eagerness. However, before he has a chance to speak, Ruby walks to their table and puts the cup of coffee on the table, reminding them not so kindly that the diner closes in half an hour.

Stupid Ruby ruined the mood, and something has changed in the man’s eyes when Regina turns to him again. He’s not going to talk anymore, she realizes from the look on his face.

She’s not one bit surprised when he stands up from the booth without saying a word and walks out of the diner, dropping a few dollars on the table on his way out. Something flashes before Regina’s eyes, making her mouth drop open in shock as her heart stops beating for a second.

She sits rooted in place way past the closing hour, the image of a lion tattoo flashing before her eyes over and over again.

(…)

Regina feels foolish.

Since the night after her encounter with the man with the lion tattoo, Regina’s been avoiding running into him. She would go to Granny’s only in the mornings (she knows he’s never there in the morning), she would go home another way to avoid driving past the diner where he could be sitting and drinking his sorrow away.

She’s the Evil Queen, one of the most powerful sorceresses in all realms. People fear her; even her name has gooseflesh appearing on peasants’ skin. Yet she’s afraid of a simple drunk man who’s probably been drinking his whole damn life (she remembers seeing him in a tavern that first time; perhaps she chose right when she decided not to enter).

Avoidance doesn’t stop her from seeking information about him, though. She doesn’t find much, after all she doesn’t even know his name (she could ask Granny or Ruby, but doesn’t).

Like every other morning, today Regina stops by Granny’s on her way to the office. She sits down in her usual place and orders a cup of coffee, smiles when a very grumpy Ruby walks away, muttering something under her nose. She likes to see Red Riding Hood frustrated.

Once the waitress is away, Regina takes the newspapers from the counter and opens it, not surprised to see the same news as usual on the pages.

“Good morning, milady.”

Regina’s fingers freeze on the paper at the words, a breath hitches in her throat.

What the hell is he doing at the diner?

He shouldn’t be here. He’s never here in the morning.

Fighting down her surprise and nerves, she slowly turns to look over her shoulder at him.

The man with the lion tattoo is standing a step away from her. He’s looking at her a bit sheepishly, an uncertain smile on his lips. He’s dressed in a green t-shirt and khaki pants, his hair combed. The lines of sorrow are still visible on his face, but he doesn’t look like a drunk anymore.

He’s even more handsome that Regina’s thought.

“It’s Madam Mayor,” she manages to say, and it comes out much quieter than she expected it to be, not sarcastic at all.

Still, the man chuckles, “Sorry, Madam Mayor.”

Regina tries to smile but ends up making a face instead, and curses herself.

The man sits down on the chair beside her and Regina hopes that he cannot hear how wildly her heart is beating in her chest. He orders coffee, too, black and strong just like Regina’s, and when Ruby, this time much less grumpy, walks away, he turns to Regina.

Hesitantly he says, “I wanted to apologize for my behavior the other night. My mind was not in the right place and I was very drunk; I shouldn’t have talked to you the way I did.”

“It’s fine,” Regina dismisses, trying to avoid his blue piercing eyes. “We all have bad days.”

“Still, it’s not an excuse to leave a sincerely caring person like that,” he insists. “I’m really sorry.”

The corner of her mouth curls up unconsciously. “Well then, apology accepted.”

He smiles in response then, his features relaxing. He lets out a dramatic sigh and despite her efforts to tamp the smile down, it still makes its way on Regina’s face.

 “I’m Robin of Locksley, by the way,” he introduces himself, stretching his hand in the small distance between them.

“Regina Mills,” she says needlessly and shakes his hand. The moment their skin comes into contact, Regina’s heart picks up a rhythm again, and she feels warmth washing over her.

Ruby makes her way back to the counter, making them break the touch rather quickly. Regina manages a tight smile to the girl – both annoyed and relieved by her presence – while Robin thanks her earnestly, telling a silly joke which makes Ruby laughs.

They drink their coffees in silence. Regina keeps thinking what she could say or ask, or if she should ignore him completely. It’s silly that she feels so affected by him; after all, he doesn’t know her, will never find out that in their (or any other) realm, they were supposed to be soulmates.

“I’m sure you’d got the wrong impression of me and I’d really like to remedy that. Perhaps I could take you out for a drink some night?”

Her eyes widen as she turns to look at him.

She shouldn’t agree, it is a really bad idea, but the voice in the back of her head reminds her that there’s no harm in going out for one night, she could get to know him. To be honest, despite the dread, she’s been terribly curious to know more about the man with the lion tattoo.

“Perhaps,” she settles on saying.

Smirking, she turns back to the counter and continues to drink her coffee while Robin grins in response and does the same.

(…)

Regina doesn’t rush to meet with Robin. They didn’t settle on the day but he’d told her he can always be found in the diner in the evenings, so Regina gave herself enough time to decide whether or not she actually wanted to get to know him better.

It also has given her time to do her research which, surprisingly, led nowhere. She looked through the magical book of Storybrooke citizens where their real names and lives were written along with those given to them by the curse. Surprisingly, Robin of Locksley didn’t appear on either side of the list.

It made her confused, but she didn’t give it much thought – magic isn’t perfect and there was a tiny chance that it skipped Robin, or whatever his actual name is. After all, there were many citizens in this cursed town and some of them, irrelevant ones, weren’t written down.

Once the research met a dead end, Regina decided to meet with Robin. Perhaps it was the only way to find out more about him, it could’ve been the only way to satisfy her curious mind.

After finishing her work day in the office, Regina collects her things and makes her way to the diner. It’s still rather early, but she finds him sitting in his usual booth, an untouched glass of whiskey placed on the table in front of him.

“Good evening.”

Robin looks surprised when Regina sits down in front of him, but greets her with a sincere smile nonetheless.

“I didn’t expect to see you tonight,” he admits, still smiling.

 She’d seen him walk past her office a few hours ago, had noticed the way he was looking at her window. It was the last bit that encouraged her to finally go and meet him, made her think that he might be just as interested in her as she was in him (not that she was going to tell much about herself).

“I like to show up when people least expect it,” she tells him with a shrug. It has his smile widening, dimples appearing in his cheeks.

Regina orders herself a glass of the same brand of whiskey as his and they talk about easy things for a while. The conversation flows easily, they talk about jobs (he’s unemployed) and town events, even some gossip which is way out of Regina’s league. But she doesn’t mind it much, she rather likes to talk about silly things – it’s something she hasn’t done for far too many years.

“Are you alone in this town?” Regina asks after they’ve emptied their glasses and ordered a refill.

The question makes Robin’s smile disappear. His face turns into a grimace of worry, so similar to the one she’s seen the other night, and he clears his throat before he replies with, “I have a son, or used to have. I’m not sure anymore.”

Regina frowns. “How so?”

He shifts in his seat, obviously uncomfortable with the topic, and sighs, the sound full of emotions. Still he says, “Roland disappeared. I went out for something, I can’t even remember what for, and when I came back, he was gone. It was like he just vanished. I ran around the damn town, asked every single person if they’ve seen my boy, but they just looked at me as if I was out of my mind.”

The desperate tone in his voice has Regina grimacing.

“Granny told me that she’s never seen me with a boy. And so did the rest of the town. I know I have a son, I just know it, Regina, but he’s not here and nobody knows or remembers him,” he admits hopelessly. “Some days I wonder if it is all real. Perhaps everybody is right and I don’t have a son. I lived here for as long as I remember and somebody would have definitely seen my son at least once. It must be not real, but the pain that I feel is tearing me apart and I don’t know what to do.”

Not knowing what to say, Regina puts her hand on Robin’s.

She’s surprised by his story. He must have done something really awful to Regina to deserve such punishment. She might be evil but she would have never separated father and son without a good reason – of course, she could’ve made him think that he has a son when he actually doesn’t, that sounds more like her, but still she doesn’t remember any of this, doesn’t remember making such a perfect torture plan.

The realization has anxiety settling in the pit of her stomach.

Something is wrong.

“I’m sorry for ruining such a nice evening with my sob story.”

The words snap Regina out of her thoughts. She blinks her eyes for a few times before focusing back on him. His eyes are wet and he clears his throat before squeezing the hand on his and pulling away.

He raises his glass at her and Regina does the same. It takes a lot of strength to stop her hand from shaking.

Something is terribly wrong.

(…)

Regina is confused.

She doesn’t understand how it is possible that she doesn’t remember Robin from the Enchanted Forest and the story that she must’ve created for him. The things he’s cursed to go through are rather horrible, and she doesn’t know if it is true or not. She has no way to figure it all out either – she doesn’t know his real name, he’s not in her book.

 He’s a mystery.

Perhaps she wasn’t the one who cursed him; Rumple had access to the curse most of the time, perhaps he added his own touch, brought people he wanted to torture himself.

Regina tells herself that she’s not going to see Robin again until she figures out what is going on, but finds herself thinking about him more often than she would like to admit. Keeping the distance seems out of options, so she decides to investigate.

That’s why she invites Robin into her office one day.

He shows up right on time, dressed in his casual clothes, looking as handsome as always. He greets Regina with a warm smile and sits down on the chair opposite her at the desk.

“Thank you for coming,” Regina starts with a smile which he returns earnestly. “I’ve been thinking about what you’ve told me the other night, about your son.” Robin’s smile falls from his face, but he doesn’t interrupt so she continues, “As the mayor of Storybrooke, I have access to many information databases. Perhaps with some help, we could find your son.”

Robin’s eyes widen in shock or surprise, Regina’s not sure, and for a moment he doesn’t say a word. He stares at her, all kinds of emotions mixing in his eyes. He looks touched and grateful, but at the same time a little doubtful.

“I don’t know what to say,” he admits finally in a quiet voice. “I… Thank you, Regina.”

He reaches across the desk and takes Regina’s hand, giving it a light squeeze, his touch always sending a wave of warmth over her body.

 After a beat, he pulls away and asks, “Where do we start?”

Regina smiles, pleased that he agreed to tell her more about his son. Perhaps she’ll be able to figure out what exactly is going on.

“Well, first of all, what’s his name?” Regina asks, opening her notebook.

“Roland.”

Roland. She’s not sure she remembers hearing that name in Storybrooke before.

“How long has he been gone?”

Robin’s brows knit together as he thinks hard. His frown deepens even more as he confesses, “I don’t remember.”

Regina frowns, too. The memory confusion is a very common thing, everything is blurry in cursed people’s minds. Most of the time, memories of what happened in Storybrooke disappear completely in a few months, some stay far longer but if he actually lost his son here in Storybrooke, the memories should have started to fade.

The first time she’d seen him, he’d already been drinking in Granny’s. It seems like his son (if he even exists) has been missing from the beginning of the curse. It must be the curse then that took the boy away.

 The real question is why does Regina have no memory of it?

“Alright,” she says after a long pause. “Do you have his photo?”

Robin shakes his head.

Regina sighs. This investigation is not leading anywhere, and she’s not the only one who realizes it.

“It’s useless,” Robin states in annoyance, standing up from the chair. He runs his hands over his hair desperately before looking straight into Regina’s eyes. “I must be mad. I have no proof that Roland is actually real. My memories are fogged. Nobody remembers him.”

“No, Robin!” Regina stands up as well and walks around the desk to him. She waits until he lets out a shaky breath and looks at her again, then says, “We’re going to figure this out. Together.”

“Why do you want to help me?” he asks surprised. “I’m just a stranger, a drunken man who could have been so high on some shit that he imagined having a son.”

“I believe you,” she tells him, taking a step closer. Her hand touches his as she repeats, “I believe you, Robin.”

He finally looks at her again, the inner battle visible in his eyes.

All of a sudden Robin pulls her into his arms, wrapping her in a tight hug. Regina is stunned for a moment, but hugs him right back, resting her head against his shoulder. A feeling of calmness settles in her chest as she exhales and closes her eyes.

Perhaps it’s not only curiosity that pushed her to see Robin again.

Perhaps there are awaking feelings.

(…)

When Regina rushes out of Storybrooke’s orphanage, Robin is standing on the sidewalk. His shoulders are hunched, his hands pressed on his thighs, and even from afar his shaky, quick breathing is heard.

It was her idea to come here and look for Roland. Robin’s told her that he’s been here a few times already, and Roland wasn’t there, the social workers had no information about his son. What surprised him (and Regina) even more was that even the sheriff of this town, Graham, refused to accept his statement about the missing boy.

Regina convinced him to try again and come with her, but their search turned out to be fruitless.

After receiving a negative response again, Robin stormed out and the worker advised Regina to take him to see Doctor Hopper instead of trying finding a boy who doesn’t even exist.

“Hey, Robin,” Regina approaches him and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder.

He shakes her touch right away and turns to look at her. His eyes are bewildered, his chest shaking with every breath he struggles to take as he looks at her. Regina’s heart is breaking for him, and she blames all the soulmate crap for the way she feels about his pain.

“This is bullshit!” Robin exclaims. His jaw trembles as he struggles to contain his desperation and fear. “How can nobody know about my son? How come nobody remembers Roland? Am I out of my mind?”

He walks closer to her and grabs her by the shoulders, his grip tight on her body, his face near hers. She doesn’t like people being so close to her, least of all grabbing her, but what she doesn’t like even more is people shouting at her.

She looks straight into his eyes and when he doesn’t loosen his hold on her, she pushes at his chest.

“Don’t you dare to touch me like that ever again,” she mutters through gritted teeth. No matter who he is, no matter what he’s going through, she’ll never ever let someone treat her like she’s the one to blame for every single problem in their life (to be fair, she might the responsible for Robin’s pain, but he doesn’t know that).

He sighs in desperation and takes a step back, his hands falling away from Regina.

“I’m sorry.”

Regina gives him a serious look before saying, “Let’s go, you need a drink.”

They make their way to the Rabbit Hole which is completely empty in the afternoon. The shots of tequila are ordered and, with every single drink, Robin starts venting more and more, his sentences losing their meaning, words slurring until nothing makes sense anymore.

Regina watches him as his mind gets clouded, but she cannot swallow a single sip down. In the back of her head, the annoying voice keeps telling her that it is her fault her soulmate’s life is ruined; it’s her fault that his life is falling apart.

Even though she’s never approached him back in the forest, her destiny changed his, too.

She’s doomed, and so is he.

“Come on, you need to go home,” Regina says when Robin rests his head against the cool counter of the bar, the empty shots placed in front of him. She shouldn’t have let him get so drunk. “I’ll walk you home,” she adds when he doesn’t move.

Walking Robin home is a challenge. He barely can stand on his own feet and Regina might be strong, but it’s rather tiring supporting a grown-up man all the way to the middle of the forest where he lives. As if keeping him upright wasn’t hard enough, he keeps twisting and turning.

It feels like an eternity has passed until they finally reach Robin’s home. He slurs that the key is in his pants’ pocket and it is Regina’s task to get it out. Despite the awful situation, Regina still feels a wave of heat washing over her when she touches his muscular thighs.

As soon as they’re inside the cabin that is Robin’s home, he collapses on the couch near the door. He almost drags Regina with him, but she manages to stay on her feet, to his disappointment (he whines when her touch leaves him).

Regina scoffs. He might be charming when he’s sober or tipsy, but drunken Robin is such a baby.

“Stay with me,” he asks, his words more clear and pronounced. “It’s not safe to walk in the woods at night alone.”

Regina laughs, “Is it safe for me to stay with a complete stranger in the woods?”

“Stay,” he pleads as if he hasn’t heard her.

She rolls her eyes, but sits down on the couch nonetheless. Robin shifts a bit until he’s more comfortable and looks at Regina. He’s still very drunk but seems to have sobered up a bit.

“You’re stunning,” he whispers into the space between them suddenly, catching Regina by surprise.

Her eyes widen as she blinks repeatedly, not sure if she heard him right. Slowly Robin blinks his eyes, a small smile spreading across his face until finally his eyes close and his features relax.

Shaking her head, Regina stands up from the couch and throws a blanket over Robin, not letting herself think too much about his last words.

Instead of walking out like she intended, she takes a look around his small living space. He doesn’t have much, only a worn out couch, an old TV and a cupboard against the wall. There is a sink which looks unused and a pile of papers on the floor.

Regina kneels to the dirty floor grimacing and starts looking through the papers. They’re filled with handwritten information, information about what is happening in this town.

She supposes it’s Robin’s own investigation.

He writes about what happens every single day, compares what he still remembers and what is becoming blurry in his mind. He writes down what he found about Roland ( _nothing, nobody remembers him_ ) and that he’ll not give up, even if it drives him mad.

The information should scare Regina, he already suspects that something is wrong with this town – he wouldn’t be writing down every single thing that happens to him otherwise. But there are no speculations about the possible curse, about the memory loss of other people, so Regina sees no harm and leaves the papers on the floor.

She looks through all of his things, tries to find anything that could give her some answers to who he actually is (except being the man with the lion tattoo, her soulmate) and why she has no memory of him.

When the dawn breaks, Regina finally leaves the cabin empty-handed.

(…)

Regina doesn’t get any news from Robin all week. At first, she doesn’t give it much thought – gives him the needed space to process everything that is happening. She continues to do her research on Robin and Roland (it frustrates her to no end because the research leads nowhere) and focuses on her job as a mayor.

However, when one afternoon Robin finally walks into her office, she feels a wave of relief washing over her. It’s hard to understand her feelings for and about him, she doesn’t think she likes him all that much but she’s drawn to him, and deep down cares about him a lot already (it’s that stupid soulmate connection, she supposes. Otherwise, she would never like a peasant like Robin).

“I’m sorry for what happened the other night,” Robin stands at her desk, scratching the back of his neck nervously. He looks sad, and as much as Regina pretends not to care – because it’s impossible to care so much about someone you’ve just met – she feels bad for him.

“It’s fine,” she assures him.

 It feels like a _Déjà vu;_ they’d had a very similar conversation after their first encounter at Granny’s.

He doesn’t look convinced by her words when he continues, “I apologize for dragging you into this mess and for treating you like I did the other day. You didn’t deserve to deal with my drunkenness and sorrow.”

“Robin-“

“Please, Regina,” Robin interrupts, walking closer to her until he can take her hand in his. “Forget that all of this happened. Promise me you’ll stop looking for a child who probably doesn’t even exist.”

“But-“

“Please,” he pleads, his eyes shining with unshed tears. Regina swallows hard. Why does she care so much about him? Why does it hurt her to see him suffer when she’s the one who threw him into this mess? “I’ve been drinking for as long as I remember, the memories of my life are foggy. Who knows what else I did take. Perhaps I took some drugs which resulted in me hallucinating about a child I’ve never had.”

Regina finally nods her head and stands up from the chair, walks to Robin, and wraps her arms around him. “I’m so sorry that you feel this way,” she manages to say, and Robin whispers that it’s not her fault, which makes the unexpected pain pierce through Regina’s dark soul.

Little does he know that it _is_ her fault.

(…)

Regina’s heart is conflicted. She feels out of control, out of herself.

It’s been a few months since Robin asked Regina to drop the search and forget about Roland. She promised him she will ( she didn’t stop, she had to figure out who is Robin and how the hell she doesn’t remember anything about him and searching for Roland was one way to get that information) and Robin promised her to move on.

He stopped drinking on a daily basis and got a job at Marco’s shop, and even though Regina despised the old man, she found herself visiting the shop almost daily. She liked Robin, liked how he teased her and made her laugh, how he brightened her boring days.

He became her friend.

When she first decided to approach Robin, she was simply curious. Then she noticed the lion tattoo and her curiosity increased tenfold (even with the freezing fear tickling the back of her neck). He was an attractive man and she was drawn to him before even knowing him, had dreamed about fooling around sometime.

What she’s never expected was to feel so much for him.

It’s not love, not quite yet, but there are feelings, strong feelings that scare her.

So when Robin finally asked her out on a real date, she agreed reluctantly. Despite the fear, she decided to take a leap of faith. Things weren’t going to work out with Robin with the curse erasing the citizens’ (and his) memories now and then anyway, so she let herself have a little bit of fun.

She wanted to find out what it felt like to be with her soulmate.

“Good evening, milady.”

Robin meets her just outside her office with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. He looks nervous all over again, no sarcastic comments or stupid jokes as he approaches Regina. He hands her the flowers sheepishly, telling her that he wasn’t sure what flowers she liked, so he opted for a mixed bouquet.

The situation seems hilarious to Regina, she’s not made for flowers and awkward first dates (and they’ve already been friends for a while, he shouldn’t make such a big deal out of it). She wants to laugh at his nervousness, but bites her tongue – as much as she hates to admit that, her heart flutters with affection at this stupid, yet sweet gesture.

They have a meal at Granny’s and, after a drink, Robin seems to relax. His usual charm returns as they start bitching about Storybrooke people and tease one another about meaningless things. Regina doesn’t mind when he puts his hands over hers and holds it there, doesn’t mind that some of the people stare – they’ll forget it eventually anyway.

After dinner that didn’t turn out to be the disaster Regina thought it would be, Robin offers to walk Regina home. She fights the urge to roll her eyes at his behavior, but agrees nonetheless.

She had plans of her own about the ending of this date, one of them included dragging Robin into her house and having her way with him. She thought that it might sate her conflicted heart and she’d finally be able to let him go.

“I’ve never thought that I would be having a walk in the moonlight with the mayor of Storybrooke,” Robin teases, his hand touching Regina’s. There’s a sudden spark (there’s always a spark whenever they touch) as he waves his fingers with hers and smiles.

“A walk in the moonlight, huh?” She laughs.

Would her life be different today if she’d approached him in the tavern all those years ago?

In a few months, Robin showed her kindness and gave her friendship that made her not only the happiest she’s even been since Daniel, but also furious (he was breaking her walls, as much as she hated to admit that).

His sense of humor, his personality, and kindness touched her in a way she didn’t think was possible.

A lump forms in her throat, and there’s no way in hell Regina will start crying in front of him, so she smiles tightly before turning away from Robin, focusing on the sidewalk and streetlights instead.

Their walk is rather short and ends too quickly for Regina’s liking. They round the corner and walk only a few more minutes until her mansion comes into view.

Robin lets go of her hand when they stop in front of the fence and turns towards her.

“I had a really great time tonight,” he says, grinning at her. His dimples make Regina weak. “Thank you.”

“I enjoyed myself, too,” she replies. Then she clears her throat and asks, arching an eyebrow in a suggestive way, “Would you like to come inside?”

They’ve been friends for a while and there’s been some tension between them. Robin did nothing to act on it, and neither did Regina, but he wants her just as much as she wants him, she has no doubt.

He might be a gentleman, but Regina doesn’t think he’d miss a chance to hop into her bed.

Robin’s grin turns into a smirk as he takes her hand in his again. He leans closer, his lips almost brushing against Regina’s when he says, “Lead the way, milady.”

She grins at him before leading him through the yard to the front door. The excitement is bubbling up inside of her as she fishes the key out of her purse, and Robin’s hands resting on her hips doesn’t help her concentrate at all.

When Regina is about to push the key into the keyhole and unlock the door, Robin quickly turns her around and pushes her against the wall nearby. She lets out a squeal of surprise as he presses their bodies flush against one another and inhales her scent, his breath ticking her neck.

“I cannot wait any longer,” he whispers into the small space between their lips.

“Then don’t.”

And then Regina grabs him by the collar of his shirt and pulls him closer, angling her head until their lips are pressed together. There’s a strange pull from deep within her chest and for a second she’s paralyzed. The moment passes quickly though, but before Regina can focus on the kiss she’s craved for months now, Robin is pulling away.

Before he has even taken a step back from Regina, there’s a hand wrapped around her throat, holding her tightly as he slams her against the door hard. Regina’s eyes widen in shock, brimming with tears almost immediately at the unexpected assault.

What’s happening?

“You bitch,” he hisses through gritted teeth and his hand only tightens around her throat. The airways are blocked and Regina scratches at his hand desperately, her mind becoming dizzy from the lack of oxygen.

“Ro- Robin,” she manages to gasp out, looking straight into his eyes. They’re different now, not the blue ones she’s used to, not the darkened ones that looked at her a few moments full of desire. They’re angry and full of hatred now.

His hold on her doesn’t loosen as he continues to stare into her eyes. A thought flashes through her dizzy mind, she thinks she’s going to die, the Evil Queen choked on her own porch by some stupid peasant that was supposed to be her soulmate.

Ironic, isn’t it?

“It would be too easy to kill you like that,” he spats before finally releasing Regina.

She collapses to the ground as soon as Robin is not holding her anymore, her hand falling to her bruised neck as she gasps for air, tears of shock running down her cheeks.

He kneels in front of her, his face turned into a grimace as he lifts her chin harshly until she’s looking at him.

Regina’s been afraid of many men in her life, but she’s never thought she’d be afraid of him. He always seemed so kind, so good, even in his drunken state, he was somewhat of a gentleman.

And now she’s terrified of him.

She starts screaming, but he quickly covers her mouth with his palm and fishes out a pocket knife with his free hand from his pants. He flashes it in front of her face. “Be quiet, Your Majesty.”

Her heart stops beating as she registers his words. He knows.

Fuck.

Has he known all along? Was all of it his plan? Did he create a tragic story to get closer to her, to lower her protection and then kill her?

He always was a mystery, he could’ve known about the curse all this time.

 “Get up.” He stands, pulling Regina up by her bicep. His hand is no longer on her mouth, but his knife is still in his hand, so she doesn’t scream. He pushes her towards the door and motions for her to unlock it and she does it with trembling hands as slowly as possible, giving herself time to think.

Once she has a plan, she pushes the door open and runs. She’s at the stairs when Robin catches her by the wrist and stops her violently, and his touch is not welcome now, it’s harsh and angry and the way he slams her against the wall again makes tears collect in her eyes.

She’s screwed.

“Where is Roland?” Robin asks through gritted teeth, his face so close to hers, the knife lifted near her neck. He’s not touching her with it yet, but the threat is obvious.

Regina swallows hard. When she replies, her voice is shaking, “I don’t know.”

“Don’t make me slit your throat open,” he threatens. The cold metal is finally touching her skin. “Tell me where my son is and I’ll leave you be.”

“I don’t know,” Regina repeats, her voice high pitched. Damn it.

“I’m asking one last time,” he says, pushing the knife tighter against her. She feels it break her skin. “Where is my boy?”

Regina squeezes her eyes shut, but doesn’t reply. He won’t believe her. And she’s not strong enough to push him away, not with the blade sliding against the delicate skin of her neck.

All of a sudden Robin is pushed away from Regina and there’s another body on top of him. Her eyes are teary and at first she doesn’t understand what is happening, all she knows is that she’s finally able to breathe again.

She blinks her eyes quickly and gets up from the stairs, running down to the living room to grab a vase. There’s a track of blood from her throat down to her blouse and it only fuels her anger, her fear turning into hatred as she rushes back to the stairs.

It turns out it is Graham who saved her, and Robin is on top of him now, punching him over and over again. There’s blood everywhere on her stairs and even her walls.

“Stop right now!” Regina shouts, her voice breaking, the vase held tightly in her hands. “Or you’ll regret it.” She doesn’t understand why she doesn’t run away or shatter the stupid thing over his head. Perhaps it’s because she’s stunned or perhaps she’s actually feeling too much to hurt him.

Robin pulls away from Graham, his breathing harsh as he stands from the ground. He’s panting and sweaty, but he could easily take Regina down, could easily grab the vase away and knock it over Graham’s head and then it would be over.

She might be powerful with her magic, but it doesn’t exist here. And as much as she hates to admit it, she’s powerless without it.

Still, she stands there with her head held high, her eyes full of hatred. She’s ready to fight him.

Robin stares at Regina, his expression unreadable. But then he finally exhales harshly, picks up his knife from the stairs and turns around to leave, shutting the door with a loud bang after himself.

When he’s out of the house, she falls down to the floor, feeling tears running down her cheeks. It must be the aftermath of the attack that has her crying, and she wraps her hands around herself, rocking herself back and forth.

He knows.

He fucking knows.

The question is what he’s going to do with this information.

“Are you alright?” comes an exhausted voice and there’s a hand on her shoulder, and then Graham is wrapping her into a hug. His face is covered in blood, and it falls from his nose onto Regina’s already stained blouse, but instead of pushing him away like she always does (they’re only having sex, not having an emotional connection) she lets him hold her.

After all, the huntsman saved her life.

(…)

A few days pass by and nothing happens. It should be a good sign, yet Regina finds herself getting even more anxious. The purple marks on her neck are changing color already, the small blade scratch is almost not visible anymore. And she’s still the Mayor of Storybrooke, and people still don’t know about the curse.

It is a good thing, right?

Robin hasn’t tried to attack her again. It seems like he isn’t spreading the word about the curse either. But he is a father whose son was taken away, and he deems Regina responsible for it. He is coming to take his revenge on her.

With an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, she wonders what his next move would be.

Despite the restlessness from deep within her dark soul, Regina doesn’t let herself dwell on what ifs. She forces herself to stay regal and confident, because one stupid man isn’t going to break all that she’s built for herself.

So she continues to live her life in a usual way, trying not to think too much about what is waiting for her.

After ordering her breakfast at Granny’s as usual, Regina sits down in her seat. The diner is rather empty this morning, only a couple of peasants that Regina doesn’t recognize from her land are sitting at the booth by the window, and then there’s a man at the corner of the room and-

Oh.

It’s Robin.

He’s leaning against the wall of the hallway which leads to apartments upstairs, his hands crossed on his chest. He’s staring at her, but the shadow that falls on his face prevents her from seeing his expression.

Finally, he starts walking towards her. Regina straightens in her seat, brushing a loose strand of hair away from her face. She keeps her head held high, her eyes firm as she stares into his blue eyes.

When there are only a few steps separating them, Robin stops. His face is on full display now and Regina doesn’t miss a few scratches on his cheeks and other bruises under his eyes and lips, and she smiles to herself, satisfied. At least she’s not the only one who got bruised, though that bastard deserved more than a few scars that will soon fade away.

She should kill him for what he did to her, and perhaps she will when she comes back to her senses.

“I’m sorry for what I did to you,” he says quietly, looking around to make sure that nobody is near enough to hear them.

“Are you?” she hisses, narrowing her eyes at him.

She has no reason to be bitter about it. Any other citizen of Storybrooke would have done the same, perhaps worse even, but she’s still furious.

Robin inhales sharply, something flashes in his eyes that looks very much like regret when he glances at her scarf covered neck. Regina almost scoffs.

“Can we talk in private?”

“If I were you, I’d go into hiding,” she tells him instead. “Graham is pressing charges on you. And I should, too.”

His nostrils flare as he breathes in, and he takes a step closer. Regina lifts her head only a bit higher to show him that she’s not afraid.

“Can we talk in private?” he repeats, but his voice is not threatening like she expected it to be. He even lifts his hands up as if to show that he means no harm.

For a moment she just stares at him, studies his reactions. She shouldn’t agree to go with him; after all he tried to kill her. She’s not happy to see him, but he deserves some answers and so does she – she’s still incredibly curious how did he find out about everything.

“Fine,” Regina finally agrees, grumpy.

Ignoring Ruby’s shouts about not taking their ordered food, Regina walks out of the diner with Robin following behind her.

Surprisingly, as they make their way out of the main street towards Storybrooke’s park, it is completely quiet this morning. There are no people feeding the ducks or just gazing at the small pond from the bench; not even a single human being is running or driving a bike.

In spite of herself, Regina swallows hard.

“You’re very brave, Your Majesty, choosing to talk in a place surrounded by trees and a pond. So many temptations to kill you.” Robin laughs at her, and she turns around quickly, too quickly for her liking, to face him.

He might be joking, but he also might be actually threatening her.

“Ha, ha,” she chuckles humorlessly. Then, rolling her eyes, she asks, “When did you wake up?”

Robin looks at her stupidly.

Feeling the rising irritation, Regina elaborates, “When did you wake up from the curse? Did you know the whole time about me, about the curse?”

“It happened when you kissed me,” Robin replies, and then adds sarcastically, “I would say it was true love’s kiss that returned my memories. Too bad you’re not capable of love.”

It shouldn’t sting, his words shouldn’t have an effect on her, yet it has a lump forming in Regina’s still sore throat as she presses her lips in a thin line. Bastard.

Pushing down her own conflicted feelings, she demands, “What is your real name?”

“Robin.”

She groans in annoyance, “If you haven’t noticed yet, I don’t have time for your jokes. You better start talking if you want to find your precious son.”

“My name is Robin of Locksley.” The mention of his son has his mood changing completely; his voice is firm now, as is his gaze. “I go by Robin Hood sometimes.”

Robin Hood.

Wonderful. Just wonderful.

Regina scoffs. How fitting for the Evil Queen and the Thief to be soulmates.

“You weren’t supposed to end up in Storybrooke,” Regina finally says, staring straight into his eyes. “I don’t remember ever meeting you back in the Enchanted Forest. If what I’ve heard is true, you’re from Sherwood.”

 “That’s correct,” Robin nods his head. “I came for a small job to the Enchanted Forest.  The last thing I remember is crossing the border of your Kingdom.”

All of a sudden everything falls into places inside Regina’s head. 

“That’s why you don’t have a story,” she blurts out, her eyes turning wide at the realization.

“Excuse me?”

She’s not going to explain anything to him, he doesn’t deserve that, but the confused look on his face softens her heart. Sighing in annoyance, Regina mentally curses herself – love is weakness, and even though what they have is not love, it still makes her weak.

“You don’t have a different name or a certain story like everyone else does in this town,” she tries to explain, feeling as if the heavy weight was lifted off of her chest. There’s nothing wrong with the curse. “You miss your son because he’s actually missing. You were never supposed to end up in this realm, that’s why you remembered Roland.”

“Wow, what an insight,” Robin scoffs at her.

He’s getting restless and even angrier with each passing second, so when he takes one step forward, Regina unconsciously steps back.

She should leave.

 He doesn’t deserve any answers from her. But it turns out that she cannot just turn away and leave.

 “I don’t know what you plan to do with this town and these people, and frankly I don’t care. Return me to my son and I’ll forget about the curse. You’ll never see me again.”

 “I don’t know where your son is.”

Robin shakes his head at her in frustration, “Bullshit!” and then adds, “I might be sorry for what I did the other night, but if you don’t want to talk, I won’t doubt and do it all over again.”

“I don’t know where Roland is!” she repeats, rising her voice.

Distrust is written all over his face as he stares at Regina. His brow is furrowed, eyes conflicted. For a quick moment, Regina hopes that he’s trying to believe her.

She takes advantage that he might be starting to trust her and tells him her theory, “The curse is powerful but it wasn’t supposed to affect the whole realm, only the Forest. You were within my kingdom, that why you’re here now. Your son must’ve stayed back in our realm.”

Robin narrows his eyes at her before groaning. The tension between them is thick, and the anger is radiating off of him in waves, but there’s also despair in his tensed shoulders and, as she notices, shaking hands.

“Robin, I-“

“Find my son, Regina,” he interrupts her, his voice threatening again, “or else I will tell anyone who is willing to listen about your curse. We both know you’re powerless without your magic; Snow White’s minions will burn you alive for what you did to them. And trust me I’m not going to stop them, no matter what happened between us.”

The threat goes in one ear and out the other. It doesn’t cause any feelings – after all, she’s been used to threats like that her whole life: first her heartless mother, then Rumple, and the list goes on and on. What makes her heart flutter, despite the circumstances, are his last words.

She isn’t the only one having _feelings_.

“I will try to find out something about Roland, but, as you so kindly pointed out yourself, I’m powerless. I don’t have magic, so my search is very limited,” she forces the words out. Admitting that she doesn’t have her powers scares her, but he’s known that already.

“You better hurry,” he tells her, still threatening. “My patience is running thin.”

This time Regina laughs out loud. Who does he think he is to speak to her like that? They might be involved in some relationship, and he is her soulmate (not that he knows that) but it doesn’t give him a right to rush her. Nobody is allowed to tell her what to do.

“You think you’re in control of this situation?” she asks, her voice bitter, threatening even. “Robin, dear, if I wanted, you’d forget everything that happened in the blink of an eye. So watch out.”

She doesn’t have enough ingredients for a forgetting potion or any other spell but he doesn’t know that and the threat has effect on him.

His eyes widen in anger at her words and Regina smirks, pleased with herself. Before he has a chance to say something else, she turns around and walks back towards the main street of Storybrooke.

Robin doesn’t follow.

(…)

The next few days Regina spends locked up in her vault. Knowing Robin’s real name didn’t help much in finding information about Roland’s possible whereabouts, but it did help for her to find out about Robin himself.

She’s heard rumors about his talent at thievery, has heard him being called the prince of thieves a few times and, even back in the Enchanted Forest, Regina was interested in him. Not in a romantic way, of course, she’s been too preoccupied in getting her revenge to think about someone that way, but she thought he could know something about Snow White.

Regina also reads all of her books about the Dark curse, about its effects on the realms. She doesn’t find much about it either – the books are useless, she screams in frustration as she throws them to the nearest wall.

There’s only one way to figure out the truth, and as much as Regina hates that, she knows what she has to do.

When she leaves the vault, it’s already getting dark. She quickly makes her way through the empty cemetery and back to the town. As she walks past the diner, Robin is sitting in his usual booth, a drink of something in front of him. When he turns to look out of the window, Regina looks down to the ground and puts pace to her steps.

An annoying bell rings over her head as she enters Gold’s shop. The smell of antiquities surround Regina and she scrunches up her nose, fights down a sneeze.

Gold appears from the back of the shop and he looks utterly surprised to see her. However, he blinks his eyes and smiles at her, asks, “What can I do for you, Madam Mayor?”

“Cut the crap, Rumple,” she narrows her eyes at him, and despite her frustration, watches closely how he reacts to her words.

That bastard smirks.

She knew it!

“You finally figured it out, thought it would never happen,” he laughs at her, a sickening grimace twisting his face.

She didn’t really figure it out, it was a lucky guess but he doesn’t need to know that. Still, her blood is boiling in her veins, anger coursing through her. It takes all of her strength to keep herself from lashing out on him.

“I need your help,” she states seriously, keeping her tone firm, trying to keep her emotions at bay.

He giggles at her in that maniacal way that makes gooseflesh appear on her skin and she swallows hard before lifting her head a bit higher.

“I will help you in exchange for someone very precious to me,” he says, his face turning deadly serious. Regina crosses her arms around herself as if to shield herself from his disgusting eyes and lets him continue. “I know Belle is here.”

Regina’s face falters, but she quickly composes herself and nods her head.

They have a deal.

(…)

Regina shuts the door of Gold’s shop with a loud thud behind herself and storms back to the direction of her vault. Her breathing is hard, the blood is boiling in her veins from all the anger she feels, and she’s so damn annoyed with the imp.

 It turns out that not only did he know about the curse all along, he also knew about Robin’s story, about them being soulmates. That bastard laughed straight into her face at her, as he named it, pathetic love story.

All of a sudden she smashes into someone. Regina almost loses her balance from the force of the hit, but strong arms that wrap around her keep her from falling. The smell of forest surrounds her, making her eyes squeeze shut as she groans in irritation.

Robin is the last person she wants to see right now.

She pushes away from him without even looking at him and tries to walk away, but he takes hold of her wrist to stop her. His fingers are gentle against her skin, not bruising like the last time he held her like that.

“Are you alright?” he asks, a concerned note in his voice making Regina huff. Now he’s worried about her? “Regina?” He lifts his other hand to her face, his fingertips touching her jaw softly until he cups her chin and lifts her face up so she’s looking into his eyes. “What happened?”

All she can do is shake her head and close her eyes to block Robin’s worried features out of her memory.

Finally, taking in a shaky breath, she says, “All of it was his plan.”

“What?”

Regina opens her eyes and finds Robin looking at her in confusion. There’s something else in his eyes, something entirely different to the hate he’s shown her the other day. Despite all that is happening, he’s not apathetic to her.

Regina swallows hard and tells him what Rumple has just told her himself.

“Back in the Enchanted Forest, I locked up Rumplestiltskin’s handmaid who also happens to be someone very important to him, and he decided to take revenge on me. I don’t understand how, but he lured you into the Forest just before I cast the curse. He knew that… we’d meet here and that-“ she stops momentarily, trying to find a way to tell him what Rumple said, without using his words because they sounded like ‘you will fall in love with him’ and that’s not something Regina wants Robin to know.

She clears her throat and continues, “He knew that the curse would break for you, and that you’d want to get your son back. It was all a plan of his to hurt me for what I did to his beloved Belle.”

Thankfully, Robin doesn’t ask why it was him specifically that was brought to hurt Regina, she doesn’t know what she would have told him, but she’s sure as hell wouldn’t have told him the truth – that they’re two hearts with one soul.

“I don’t follow,” Robin looks at her confused. “How would it hurt you when I’m the one who’s suffering?”

Regina closes her eyes, feeling a lump forming in her throat. She purses her lips to stop them from trembling, and breathes deeply through her nose, trying not to break down.

“If you want to get back to your son, you have to travel through realms,” she starts when the moment of weakness passes. “The bastard gave me the magic bean that is required for such thing.”

“Okay, then give it to me,” Robin says quickly, his eyes wide.

“To make it work, you need magic,” she continues as if she hasn’t heard him. “Magic is absent in this land, the only way to bring it back is to break the curse.”

“How do I break it?” he asks, determined, and Regina smiles sadly at him.

“Someone will break it years from now or at least that’s what Rumple told me,” she pulls away from Robin then, takes a step back and turns around. Wrapping her arms around herself to stop the shaking, she adds, “Or you can kill me.”

_“Don’t you realize how dramatic it is, dearie?” Rumple sneers at her. “Your soulmate has to kill you if he wants to get back to his son. Of course, he can stay here and hate you every single day, too. It works both ways for me. As long as you’re suffering, I’m happy.”_

_“What?”_

_“The only way to break the curse now is to kill you,” he repeats, giggling maniacally. “There’s a Savior out there who’ll break the curse years from now, but your dear Robin won’t be ready to wait a few decades to get to his precious son, will he?”_

 “What did you say?” Robin asks in disbelief.

She shudders and turns around. Not being able to look him in the eye, she says, “He gave me that bean to make your choice easier.” Fishing the small thing out of her pocket, Regina hands it to Robin, still not looking at him.

It was so stupid of her to let Robin get close. What was even more stupid was to believe that for once she was in charge of her own fate when she most certainly was not. Her happy ending turned out to be one of her biggest nightmares.

She’s in love in Robin, she admits that now, and he’s going to kill her. She doesn’t blame him, though. She’s a monster, but even she knows that children always come first.

For a few long moments, Robin is quiet. His breathing is hard, and she can feel his eyes boring into hers, trying to understand what it all means.

In this moment, Regina hopes that he doesn’t have feelings for her. Otherwise, killing her will be much worse.

“This is absurd!” Robin exclaims finally, making Regina lift her head and look at him. He runs his trembling hands through his hair nervously and then looks at her, trails off, “Regina, I’m not going to kill you. I can’t, I-“

Her eyes brim with tears as she takes a step closer to him. She puts her hands on his biceps and squeezes, whispers to him, “You can think about it. It’s alright,” and then walks away from him, leaving him standing on the sidewalk in the main street of Storybrooke.

(…)

When Regina wakes up the next morning, her head is pounding. Her vision is a little blurry, she has to blink a few times until the room stops spinning around her. There are empty bottles and ripped books on the ground beside the couch where she passed out.

Her vault is a mess.

Ignoring the sick feeling in her stomach, she rolls onto her back and focuses on the ceiling.

She doesn’t know what came over her yesterday, what pushed her to tell Robin the truth. She could’ve easily told him that Roland was unreachable and that would be the end of it. He would have suffered for a few weeks, months maybe, and then he’d have found a way to cope with it.

But no, she had to tell him everything.

Stupid.

She’s so damn stupid and weak.

Despite years of heartbreak and misery, she hasn’t learnt from her mistakes.

Before she even realized it, she was falling in love with the thief.

Love is weakness, she hears her mother’s voice ringing in her head. If Regina didn’t feel anything for Robin, her curse would be safe, _she_ would be safe. And now, because of her stupid heart, she might be taking her last breaths.

She wishes she could pull out her heart, wishes there was a way to dull the feelings, wishes there was a way to make this pain go away.

She is the Evil Queen, but despite everything, she still feels so much. She still falls in love recklessly and so quickly.

Cursing herself, Regina gets up from the couch. Angrily she swipes at the tears on her cheeks and then makes her way out of the vault and back to her mansion as if her life hasn’t fallen apart once more.

(…)

Regina spends the whole day curled under the soft sheets in bed. Her head is aching from too much alcohol and she’s thrown up too many times to count.

 From deep within her, a quiet voice whispers that her pathetic state is not to be blamed only on alcohol; the realization that all of this – meeting Robin, falling for him, separating him and his son only to hurt Regina - was planned a long time ago to hurt her has her sick.

She’s miserable and sorry for herself, and these feelings cause even more nausea to her already exhausted body.

So she hides from the world and herself in the comfort of her bed (it doesn’t work well, the distressing thoughts don’t leave her head).

It’s well after 10PM when someone rings the doorbell. It makes Regina groan in annoyance – she’s in no mood to see anyone at the moment.

Instead of getting out of the bed, she pulls the sheet over her head.

The disturber doesn’t give up, though, and it takes only mere seconds before the doorbell is ringing again and again.

Grumbling, Regina finally gets out of bed, puts on a thin robe over her silky nightgown and makes her way to open the door. She looks terrible, her face is pale from nausea, her hair in disarray from rubbing her head on the pillow all day long, but she doesn’t find it in herself to care.

As she makes her way down the stairs – the bell is still ringing – she decides to shout all of her frustration at whoever it is at the door. It will teach this disturber a lesson _and_ give her a way to let her emotions out. It’s a win-win situation.

However, once the door is opened, all of the anger dissipates immediately.

Robin is standing on her porch, his shoulders slumped, the worry lines visible on his face. He looks tired, doesn’t look much better than Regina.

Perhaps she’s not the only one who had a rough night.

“Hi, Regina.”

“What are you doing here?” she asks, crossing her arms under her chest in a defensive manner.

“I came here to-“ he trails off, his eyes falling away from her only for a moment before he looks at her again. “To be honest, I don’t know why I am here. My mind was in the forest, but my heart took me here.”

His words have Regina frowning.

It’s funny how things can change in a blink of an eye – the last time he’s been here, he was kissing her passionately and then the other moment his hands were wrapped around her throat, choking the life out of her. It happened so recently, only this week did she stop wearing the scarf to cover the marks that he left on her neck, and he’s here again. With peace this time, it seems so.

Not knowing what to say about his conflicted heart (hers is conflicted, too), Regina rests her head against the door and looks at him. Her traitorous heart is fluttering in her chest at the sight of him, at the revelation that he has feelings for her, too.

Robin doesn’t say a word, looks back at her as if trying to decide whether to kill her right here and now or push her against the door and kiss her senseless.

Regina is so tired from all of this – from the stupid game Rumple was playing, from ruining her soulmate’s life and leaving an innocent child an orphan (not that Roland is the only child who is an orphan because of Regina, but it’s not the point).

She’s exhausted both emotionally and physically and fed up with Robin’s silence, so she finally asks, “What do you want from me?”

He hesitates for a moment before replying with, “Make me forget, Regina.”

She laughs out loud, shaking her head in disbelief. “You must be out of your mind to think that I’ll let you into my house, let alone into my bed after what you did to me.”

Robin frowns. “That’s not what I meant.” He pauses for a moment, looks at Regina in a way that makes her feel ridiculous for even assuming that _that_ was what he wanted. “You said you could easily erase my memories about the curse and what happened after I woke up. I want that. Do it. Please.”

_Oh._ That’s what he meant.

A wave of nausea rises within her, as she admits, “I lied to you. I don’t have enough magic to make a forgetting potion or any other curse or spell for that matter.”

Robin’s eyes slowly widen at her words, and then his face drops in disappointment. The hurt appears in his eyes at yet another lie she’s told him. It seems that all she manages to do is lie and bring him pain.

“I-I might be able to make a potion of sorts with different ingredients from this land and my stocks from the Enchanted Forest,” she blurts out before actually thinking her words through.

The way Robin’s eyes light up in hope has her heart breaking. She’s giving false hope. Yes, she’s been experimenting with herbs from this land for quite some time and the potions have given the desired effect once or twice (she tried it on the citizens of Storybrooke, poured it into their drinks at Granny’s while nobody was watching). However, it didn’t always work, and sometimes had some very unwanted side effects.

 “I’m not sure it’ll work, but if you’re willing to try-“

“Yes!” Robin interrupts her, nodding his head. He takes a step closer to her, his expression full of relief, and takes Regina’s hand in his. She looks at him in confusion and he surprises her with the most sincere “Thank you, Regina” she’s ever heard in her whole life.

It’s ridiculous how touched she is by his words.

She swallows down an unexpected lump of emotions and gives him a tight smile.

“Don’t thank me. I have a tendency to break my promises,” she manages to say, and then quickly looks down to the ground as tears well-up in her eyes.

The warm palm settles on her cheek and gently lifts her face up until she’s looking straight into his eyes. He’s emotional, too, it’s evident in his glassy eyes and bitten lip, and when their gazes lock, Regina feels her heart stopping in her chest.

He’s not going to kiss her – he’s not leaning over and neither is she – but they’re both thinking about it.

Sighing, Regina finally breaks the eye contact and pulls away from him before slowly closing the door in front of him.

Once the door is closed, she presses her forehead against the hard wooden surface and squeezes her eyes shut. A quiet sob escapes her as she thinks about the look in Robin’s eyes.

 (…)

It takes only a few days for Regina to prepare the potion. From what’s left she makes a curse, just in case. She’s not sure if either of them is working, but the liquids in tiny glass bottles look similar to the ones she used to make, and the smell is familiar too.

She hopes that at least one of them will work, or at the very least that it is not deadly poison.

With the potions prepared, she invites Robin to her vault the very same evening. She’s nervous and completely not ready for him to forget about her, but when he comes inside, his eyes hopeful as he greets her, Regina thinks that it all will be worth it.

Once inside the main room of her vault, Robin takes a look around. He’s curious despite what they are about to do, looks around the small space with interest and doesn’t even flinch at the sight of boxes full of hearts all around him.

“Do you have it?” he finally asks, turning to look at Regina.

Regina swallows hard, but nods her head.

“In fact, I’ve prepared two potions, so you have a choice to make,” she adds, fumbling with her fingers. Her voice is quiet and uncertain, and she hates herself for it, hates that she’s so weak when it comes to Robin.

When Robin arches an eyebrow in confusion, she explains, “I was able to make a forgetting potion and a sleeping curse.”

 “A sleeping curse?”

“Yes.”

Before explaining things further, she motions for Robin to sit down on the couch. He does so cautiously, and she sits down on the small chair in front of him and then finally tells him, “Only true love's kiss can break a sleeping curse.”

“I’m sorry I don’t follow.”

“Your true love is your son, Roland. He would be the only one able to wake you up.”

 “That’s absurd, Regina!” Robin exclaims in disbelief. “How would Roland even come here to break the curse? My Merry Men probably don’t even realize that I was taken away with your curse, they would never think of using magic to come to some strange land and-“

“I’ll be the one to bring Roland to you,” Regina interrupts him. He looks at her bewildered; it has Regina stretching her hand out to touch his. When her cold fingers wrap around his, she asks, “Do you really want to live thinking that your son is missing and nobody remembers him?”

“No!”

“But that’s exactly what will happen once you drink a forgetting potion. I don’t have magic to change your cursed personality, to change your memories about Roland. So are you going to feel better thinking your son disappeared from the house than you’re feeling now?”

Robin furrows his brow as he thinks about her words. She can almost hear his thoughts, the confusion, frustration and hurt.

“I will bring Roland to you once the curse is broken,” Regina adds quietly.

“You’ll never let the curse break.” Robin points out in accusation.

“You’re right.” She agrees, doesn’t want to lie to him anymore. “But Rumpelstiltskin was pretty confident when he laughed into my face and said that my curse will be destroyed as easily as was my happy ending with Daniel.”

Robin thinks for a moment, then states, “My men would never let you taken my son. Never.”

 “In our land I have magic. I wouldn’t need their permission.”

Her nonchalant tone makes his eyes narrow as he stares at her.

“I can grow more magic beans while you’re sleeping and I’m waiting for someone to break my curse,” she tells him, and her own words sound absurd to her. She’s not going to sit back and watch someone destroy her hard work; she’s going to fight back. “I would be able to go to the Forest, take Roland and return here with him.”

“What if something happens to you? I don’t think Storybrooke's people will let you cross realms so easily after everything you’ve done to them.”

Regina shrugs her shoulders. “There are many what ifs. This plan is not perfect, but I still think it’s better to sleep than to live every day for who knows how long thinking your son is missing.” She releases his hand and gets up from the chair. “You can think about it. The potions are not going anywhere.”

She walks to the cabinet of magical ingredients and when she opens the door of it to put the spells inside, Robin’s voice reaches her.

“I don’t need to think,” he says, and when Regina turns around, he’s standing right in front of her, his eyes determined. “I want that sleeping curse.”

“Wonderful!”

Regina forces a smile appear on her face and then she turns around to take the bottle with the sleeping curse from the top of the cabinet.

Robin is standing behind her and he’s so close, she can almost feel his body heat. Her fingers itch to touch him, but she keeps her hands to herself and her mouth shut. No need to make things even harder.

Turning to face him again, she takes a hat pin from the drawer and swirls it in the potion.  Robin watches her carefully, and when she asks him to sit down on the couch, he hesitates for a moment.

She tries not to look him in the eye, tries not to show him just how much he means to her.

She’s been good at hiding her feelings her whole life, but when it comes to Robin, all of her defenses disappear and she’s an open book.

When he finally is sitting on the couch, Regina instructs, “You have to do it yourself, willingly.” She hands him the pin with the curse. “Once you’re ready, stick this to your finger and then you’ll go to sleep until there’s a reason for you to wake up.”

 “Promise me you’ll bring Roland to me,” he asks her suddenly, the pin between his fingers shaking.

 “I promise.”

Her assurance comes without a second thought, and Robin’s eyes soften. For a moment he looks really touched about all of this, that she thought of a better way to lessen his misery. Clearing his throat, he says, “Perhaps you’re not as evil as people think.”

Robin sticks the pin into the pad of his finger before Regina has a chance to reply. His eyes stay focused on her until sleep quickly takes him under its spell.

As he falls on the couch unconscious, Regina’s heart breaks.

(…)

 

After another long and boring day in the Mayor’s office, Regina finally makes her way across the main street of Storybrooke towards her home. Some annoying citizens greet her, but she’s too lost in her own thoughts to notice their meaningless faces.

It’s been three months since Robin went to sleep.

She’s been emotional all day, has been thinking just how much her life has changed in the past year.

Just a few months ago, she was the strong and powerful leader of this town before one stupid decision led her to Granny’s where she finally, after so many years, met her soulmate, quickly and without even realizing it fell in love with him (admitting that herself still feels weird and scary) and lost him forever.

Truth be told, they haven’t even actually been together as a couple. Long days and nights spent together talking, teasing one another and just sitting in each other’s company, only one shared kiss shouldn’t mean that much, it shouldn’t make her weak. Yet everything feels different without Robin.

Even now, as she makes her way past Granny’s diner, unconsciously she glances through the window inside. The booth where he always used to sit and drink his sorrow away is empty, and as stupid as it is, it makes her already aching heart ache even more.

She fell for him hard and fast. It felt like magic (and it was magic, they’re soulmates, after all).

Regina shakes her head in disbelief – since when did she become so pathetic?

_Love is weakness, Regina,_ Mother’s voice echoes in her head. She’s known it all her life but never learned her lesson.

Living with an aching wound in her heart turned out to be a challenge. This time she had no one to blame, no one to focus her anger on, only herself. Despite the heartache, she’s still the regal and confident mayor of Storybrooke, but once all the curtains and doors are closed, the strong woman falls apart.

Blinking her eyes rapidly, Regina snaps out of her musings. Her brows knit in confusion when she realizes that she’s standing in front of her vault (it’s not the first time she’s come here unconsciously. It seems her own feet just bring her to Robin over and over again).

She should turn around and just leave.

Instead, after several minutes of staring at the hard door, Regina sighs and finally unlocks the vault.

When she descends down the stairs to the main space of the vault, Robin is still laying on the couch with no signs of life. His forest scent has filled the whole room, and it makes Regina even more emotional as she walks further into room.

She sits down on the chair beside the couch and looks at him. His features are relaxed, no trace of worry evident on his handsome face. He looks peaceful and perhaps even happy in his eternal sleep.

“I’m here again,” Regina finally says to him, feeling as ridiculous as any other time she talked with his unconscious body. “It seems like… I just can’t stop coming here, you know.”

She laughs humorlessly and shakes her head, her eyes brimming with tears.

“You’re gone and I feel-“ she trails off, grimacing. Inhaling shakily, she admits, “I think… I think I love you, Robin.”

For a moment, she’s not even sure if she’s actually said it out loud. Her hands are trembling, her heart pounding in her chest from the courage it takes her to even think about feeling _these things._

“I’ve been having mixed feelings for you, even when you were still here,” she says after having fought the panic deep within her. “It’s impossible to fall in love with someone so quickly, isn’t it? It must be that stupid soulmate connection.”

She feels so foolish talking to Robin like that, admitting feelings to the man who had his hands wrapped around her throat and tried to kill her. She feels foolish because love is weakness and she’s weak. She feels foolish because her mother would be disgusted by what Regina’s become.

Groaning, Regina puts her head in her hands. Her fingers tangle in her hair and she tugs at the roots of it, frustrated with herself and the world.

Why can’t she stop thinking about it, about him?

For a while Regina just sits there beside Robin, breathing heavily as tears fill her eyes. She doesn’t cry, though, blinks the drops away every time one threatens to fall.

When the emotions finally settle down and she lifts her head up from her hands, a small glass bottle placed on the cabinet against the wall catches her eye.

It’s the unused forgetting potion.

While Regina looks at the bottle, a stupid idea comes into her head.

Getting up from the chair, she goes to the cabinet and takes the bottle, tucks it safely into her purse.

She stays in the vault a few more hours, talking to Robin about meaningless things. She touches his cold hands and his cheeks, runs her fingers over his soft lips as her own lips press together to stop a sob from escaping.

Before leaving, she covers his body with an invisible magical blanket and he disappears from the view.

Nobody would ever know that he was here.

When she returns home that evening, she makes her way straight to bed. She lies there for hours despite the exhaustion, stares at the high ceiling of her mansion.

Just before falling asleep that night, Regina drinks the forgetting potion.

The last words that leave her mouth that night are, “Love is weakness.”

(…)

Something’s been missing inside of Regina.

It’s been this way for a long while, this strange, empty feeling that would wake her up in the middle of the night, sweaty and disoriented, a feeling that she’s forgotten something, or rather some _one_ very important.

It goes on and on, the feeling visiting her in the most unexpected moments, catching her off guard and leaving her conflicted. It continues until she finally decides to change her life, feels that it’s lacking something, meaning perhaps. It’s when she adopts a child.

Her pink cheeked son is the cutest baby she’s ever laid her eyes on, and she falls for him the moment she sees him. The baby turns her life upside down, and the strange feeling disappears when the responsibility of being a mother takes charge of Regina’s life.

_Love is weakness,_ the damned phrase echoes in Regina’s head when her pink cheeked baby turns into a boy who _hates_ her.

Every action, every word that leaves Henry’s mouth wounds her, shatters her already broken heart over and over again. But she loves him; she loves her son so much that she forgives him everything and only loves him even more.

When Emma, Henry’s birth mother, comes into town, the strange feeling of emptiness, oblivion even, returns. She blames it on Henry’s behavior and the mess that Emma is making, threatening to take everything Regina cares about.

Despite the efforts to stop the Savior, the curse is broken. After making sure that Henry is alright and telling him that she does love him, Regina runs straight to her vault, her heart pounding in her chest as memories of the one she has forgotten return into her mind with flashing punches.

The magic is pulsing in her veins already, but it’s still restricted. It doesn’t stop Regina from running, though, only makes her move faster.

She has father and son to reunite.

Henry will be alright with Swan and the two idiots, Regina assures herself for the umpteenth time that day as she unlocks the vault’s door and rushes in.

Once in the main room, she quickly unlocks the drawer and grabs two magic beans from it – one to go to the Forest and another one to return back to Storybrooke. When one bean is safely tucked into the pocket of her jacket, she turns around to go outside for a better place to travel through realms, but something stops her.

Turning to look over her shoulder, she glances at the empty couch.

Robin was the cause of that unsettling feeling that had her waking up in the middle of the night, that pushed her to look for a way to keep her mind busy, to made her feel something. In a way, he’s the reason why Regina has Henry.

Although her memory was erased, Regina always felt weird when she was in her vault or looked at that couch. It always made her feel out of control, out of herself. It seems that even though her mind wasn’t aware of it, her heart always knew where Robin was.

Despite the warning bells ringing in her head, Regina rushes to the couch.

She pulls the magical blanket away and Robin appears in front of her. He hasn’t changed a bit – is handsome as ever, and his forest scent hasn’t faded anywhere either, it assaults her senses immediately, makes a lump form in her throat.

She’s missed him, terribly so.

They’ve been separated for years, but she still l _oves_ him.

“The curse is broken, Robin,” she whispers, too emotional to speak out loud. “I’ll find Roland and bring him to you, I promise.”

Her words are followed with a single tear rolling down her cheek.  She doesn’t know what comes over her, but pushed by a strong feeling from deep within, she leans over and presses her lips against his.

A flare of light flashes before her eyes, knocks something inside her, making her gasp. There’s a gasp from beneath her as well, and when her eyes snap open, her heart literally stops beating for a moment.

Robin is awake.

“Regina?” he asks, his voice a bit hoarse and oh so quiet.

Too shocked to say anything, Regina just stares at him, her eyes wide in shock.

Robin quickly pushes up from the couch and sits up, looks around in confusion. When he turns to look at her, his eyes are wide and shocked. “Oh my God, did you-“ he trails off, his gaze never leaving her bewildered eyes.

“You’re awake,” Regina manages to say after a long pause, her heart now beating rapidly in her chest.

Robin stares at her in disbelief, and he must understand what it all means. He must realize that Regina was the one who broke the curse, that she has feelings for him, and strong ones. And from what happened, it seems that Robin has feelings for her, too.

“Is the curse broken?” he asks, finally blinking his eyes and tearing his gaze away from her.

“Yes,”

“Do you still have the bean?”

When Regina nods her head, Robin gets up from the couch on wobbly legs. She stands up as well and pushes her trembling hand into the pocket of her jacket, pulls out another magic bean and hands the two of them to Robin.

“Go, find your son,” she says, looking straight into his eyes. “And if you ever want to, come back to Storybrooke.” _Come back to me,_ she wants to say, but doesn’t.

Robin nods his head, thanks her, and rushes out of the vault.

 With tears blocking her vision, Regina sits down on the chair and puts her head in her hands.

“Until we meet again, Regina,” she hears his wonderful voice and when she looks up, Robin is standing in the doorway, his own eyes shining with unshed tears.

“Goodbye, Robin.”

Once he’s out of sight, Regina’s heart shatters into a million pieces.

Once again, life has proven to her that love is weakness.

 (…)

Life throws challenges Regina’s way every single day. She fights the most terrible monster of all – her mother, and then faces Greg and Tamara and battles with Pan, but saying goodbye to Henry turns out to be the most painful thing of all.

She gives him the memories of life that he deserved and sends him away with a tight hug and, while Emma drives away from Storybrooke, Regina destroys the little town she grew to treasure so much. Her own mended heart gets destroyed in the process, too.

The magical characters return back to the Enchanted Forest, and the heartbreak that Regina feels is unbearable. She’s ready to turn back into the Evil Queen just from the pain of losing Henry, and Snow White whispering encouragements into her ear every two seconds tempts her to do exactly that even more.

She’s ready to give up, because life without Henry is not worth living. Cursing herself or throwing herself off of the first tower in their way seems like the only option to stop the pain, but then they come upon a group of outlaws, and when deep blue eyes lock with hers, something inside her resurrects to life.

“Your Majesty,” the outlaw bows in front of her, a smirk making its way on his lips.

Even from a distance, Regina smells his alluring forest scent.

“Thief,” she returns as her own face breaks into a grin.

It seems that years of separation has healed the wounds between them, has fixed whatever was broken. What hasn’t change, though, is Regina’s feeling for Robin. Even the sight of him has her smiling. And from the bright smile on Robin’s face, he still has feelings for her, too.

And when a little boy with dark eyes and bouncing curls runs towards them, calling for his papa, Regina’s heart flutters with affection. She’s introduced to Roland as the woman who returned his daddy to this land, and the puzzled look that Snow White throws at Regina makes her laugh out loud.

She falls in love with the boy as quickly as she did with his father, and despite the dark clouds over them, Regina and Robin find their way to one another.

It’s only when Regina makes amends with Snow White and finally lets Robin into her heart completely that she finally understands that love isn’t weakness.

Regina Mills finally learns that love can be the most powerful magic of all.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
